This is not a complaining post, I promise, it's not, but I do need to vent and I do need some fresh ideas because I am all out of them. I think I've mentioned here and there what a non-sleeper our little Mr. Chase is. Well, unfortunately, a bad thing can and has become worse. I am not sure how much more endurance I have. I have been relying on running as a source of getting through the day when I have not been able to get any more sleep. The endorphins seem to keep me from becoming the biggest Monster Mom on the block. However, it's getting to the point where I am not getting enough sleep to even feel capable of rising from my pillow to go running, if I am lucky enough to be sleeping at that point.
Chase used to wake up once a night, around 4 and by the time I got him back to sleep, it was too late for me to fall back asleep and then get up to exercise at 6, so I had very early wake-ups. Then, it regressed to him waking up some time around 1 and then again around 3 or 4. Now, he wakes up multiple times a night especially between the hours of 1 and 5, and often does not want to go back to sleep at least one of those times. It used to be that when he woke up around 4 he would wake up happy, like he'd just gotten enough sleep. Now, he wakes up crying and mad, so I know he is still tired but something is waking him up or preventing him from sleeping and I can't seem to figure out what the problem is.
This last night has taken the cake. We went to meet Brett's sister and her husband last night in Mesa to see the Easter Pageant there (we'd never been and we really enjoyed it). Mesa is two hours from our home and the pageant starts at 8 pm so you can imagine it was a late night by the time we got home. However, we had the kids in their pj's and they slept the entire way home and mostly went straight to bed once we got here. So, we finally got into bed around 12:30 am. By 1:30 Chase was crying again. I went in and put in his binkie which satisfied him right away and I was relieved. Then, he started crying around 3:30. I rocked him for a few minutes to calm him and then set him in the crib on his stomach to see if that would help because it seemed maybe he was a little gassy, but by4 he was done with that. He still hasn't rolled (that what you get when you have really large kids) so he couldn't just flip himself back if he wanted to. I tried to comfort him again but this time he appeared to be hungry, so feed him I did and thought maybe we'd really get some semblance of sleep for a while since I'd already canceled with my running partner for the day. 5:15 rolls around and again the child is inconsolable so I try a few things and finally get him back to sleep just before 6. At this point, I am thinking why did I cancel running? Here I am wide awake, but I guess I always hope that some time things will get better and I'll sleep.
I also must mention that between the hours of 1:30 and 3:30 am, when Chase was actually sleeping, Adie was up throwing up, poor girl. It remains to be seen if it was just something she ate or a stomach bug, but she was back to sleep by 3 and has been just fine since, so I am hoping we've turned a corner there. So, the two hours when I might have gotten some sleep were occupied in other ways. Also, the night before last Chase decided he didn't want to sleep much between the hours of 4 and 6 am, so I was essentially up at 4 and here it is 26 hours later and I think maybe my total sleep time in that whole span of time has been somewhere around 3 hours, broken up less than hour increments. The scariest thing about this whole ordeal is that despite this ridiculous lack of sleep, I am wide awake which means I am going into sleep deprivation insomnia, which isn't pretty. Good thing Brett took today off and has tomorrow off because his sister is here visiting. I might be able to sneak in some nap time if I get tired enough, but once the weekend is over, I am hoping I will have recovered some and figured out what is making Chase refuse to stay asleep when I know he wants to be sleeping.
I have a good life and I don't want to complain, because there are an infinite amount of more difficult challenges. However, something's gotta give here and that's where you come in. Let me list here everything we've tried in an attempt to get this little guy to sleep:
-swaddling
-not swaddling
-partial swaddling
-crying it out (we thought it finally might have worked the other night, only to have him wake up a half hour later)
-co-sleeping
-putting a shirt that smells like one of us in his crib
-putting him sleep on his side
-putting him to sleep on his stomach
-giving him teething medicine before sleeping
-giving him Tylenol before sleeping (maybe he's in pain for something...)
-leaving him in his car seat after he's fallen asleep in the car
-feeding him a number of different types of food right before bed
-not feeding him solids close to bed time
-shifting his bedtime earlier
-shifting his bedtime later
Yes, that is a lot of experimentation, but this kid hasn't been sleeping well since around Thanksgiving so I have had lots of time to experiment. Since it's been such a long-lived problem, I no longer attribute it to teething (he still has 0 teeth, although I thought he had one a long while back, turns out I was hallucinating).
Now, what haven't I tried? What would you try in my situation? The only other thing I can think of that I haven't tried is giving him formula before bed. I don't want to do that for multiple reasons. First, formula is expensive and I have plenty of free milk for him. Second, Chase does not like bottles or sippies much and I don't feel like having that battle at bedtime. Finally, Adie was a pretty darn healthy child until a few months after I weaned her. I don't want to start down the road of formula because I am afraid I'll wean him earlier than I want to. It just seems to happen that once you introduce a little formula, more and more feedings become that. Adie's been a sickling ever since and I always wonder if nursing her a little longer might have done her some good. I am not judging formula-givers here, btw, because everyone does what they need to do and I do find it great that there is a viable option for those who can't nurse for whatever reason. Maybe formula is the solution here, but I'd like to explore a bit more to see if there is anything else out there someone might suggest that could help. Anyone, anyone?
Also, I would be ungrateful if I didn't mention the help I do get with my sleep deprivation. Brett's gotten up many an early morning, or gone into work a little later, to take the kids when I needed to get some sleep in order to function. I have had friends watch Adie so I could sleep when Chase naps and other friends offer to do the same. Adie has also been very tolerant of my sometimes cranky ways, so yes, my situation could be a lot worse, but I don't want it to get worse. Let's head it off at the pass, shall we?
18 comments:
It looks like you've tried all the things I had to do with Larz, who was getting up 4-5 times a night at 6 months, and who had NEVER slept through the night. I know you've done this, but the thing that finally worked for Larz was getting him to bed between 7-730, making sure he got 2 naps a day (totaling 3-4 hours of sleep), getting into a bedtime routine of dinner, bath, scriptures, prayers, and not getting him out of bed unless he had been screaming for more than 20 min. I read a book called "The No-cry Sleep Solution". I thought they had some really great ideas if you didn't feel comfortable letting your kids cry it out. Maybe it would help? I'm sorry to hear this. I really do hope that it gets better soon!
Benadryl worked for Jack but it was more getting him to go to bed earlier than 3 am. So I'm not sure if that will work for you. Back in the day they had this amazing narcotic ...
I know that there is "controversy" over the baby wise books, but I used it with London and it worked, she was sleeping through the night at 2 months. The whole controversy is over not feeding your child enough, but if you use your instincts along with it, there shouldnt be any problems. You can borrow it if you want. It basically has you put them on a sleep and eating schedule, and it helps with them sleeping through the night.
As far what you have tried, I think the crying it out is the best option. I think that Chase might not responding to it so well at first cause he is so used to waking up and having his mom go in. It might take a week or so of crying it out for him to get it.
If you need anyone to watch your kids while you get some sleep or anything, I am always free. Hope that helps and I hope things start to get better.
Awww Sabrina that sounds awful! I hate not getting sleep. I think it's amazing that you make up for it by running though! I need to stop sleeping in so much and get my butt up and run.
Anyway, my point is I admire you. I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't really have too much advice. My twins didn't sleep through the night till age 1 but they would only wake to feed and then go back to sleep. I think you're right to avoid giving formula though. Why even start with that when breastfeeding is going well, ya know?
Also, I had to crack up about you hallucinating about the tooth!
Good luck!
This makes my woes seem a little less bad! Cambree was just up from 4:15 to 5:30 last night, and Caylee actually slept in until 6:30am. I don't think we talked about baths much the other night when we were talking - sometimes a good warm (like surprisingly warm, turn their skin really pink warm) bath seems to help Cambree stay settled for longer. My other bit of advice... prayer, sista!
Lack of sleep is a killer. I understand. I just have two questions. 1) What is his regular daily routine like, and 2) how long did you let him cry it out? One of the things I have done with my girls since they were babies is have background noise. We have an air purifier in their room that I swear helps them relax. I wish I had your phone number. I'd call you just to chat. There is one thing I do know, while things like this are incredibly frustrating, they are phases. He will grow out of it. Good luck.
Ambien?
Just kidding. That is really rough, Bean. Especially since lack of sleep is one of the worst things for you, individually. I don't think you need to give him formula, for what that's worth. I really don't think it would make a big difference, and I am all for breastfeeding as long as you can. Within reason ;). I don't have any great advice, other than trying the crying it out for a bit longer (meaning give it a few days of crying it out). But that is really not very fun.
I hope it improves soon!
Oh man I'm tired just from reading that post. I don't know how you are even functioning and not being monster mom! I am such a monster w/no sleep. I agree with that first comment. We put Gaines and Bella at this age, to bed between 6-6:30, 2 naps and don't have him awake more than 2-3 hours b/c then he becomes over tired and doesn't sleep as long, and then we do the same routine every night which I'm sure you do too. I wouldn't try formula, I don't think that is what will change him. I know you've tried crying it out, but that is what have shaped my kids I feel into good sleepers. Since Gaines has gone 11 hours at most right now, if he even cries at 1 or 2am, I just let him cry since I know he can sleep longer w/o eating. He won't cry very long either. The first time I did it he of course did for like an hour, but from then on out it was never more than 5-10 minutes. Just the other night I made the mistake of feeding him at 12:45am bc I didn't even check the clock before I got up, and the next night he was up at 12:45 on the dot! I don't know how they can do that. So I let him cry then. So once he knows I won't go get him, at all, he stays asleep or will wake up and cry for just a little and put himself back to sleep. If you go in there at all, they will usually cry more b/c you gave them that attention once and they know they can get it again.
Good luck, I hope you find out what his deal is and I'm sure he'll go back to sleeping well soon!
You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Ear plugs work wonders :)
This may be silly, but I'll ditto the regular routine naps during the day and let 'em cry at night. We stuck Andrew (in his bassinet) in the bathroom and shut the door. :) It sucks, but it works. So sorry!
I did a mild version of crying it out with Kate, but she was close to a year old,and she really only fussed. His sleep patterns are actually not unusual for his age. There is a normal growth spurt and your milk actually changes along with it which can make for more frequent feedings. There are other reasons he could be waking fairly often at night, but my only advice is to take him to bed and lay down to nurse. That's obviously easier said than done at times, but it's been a lifesaver for me. I sleep better and longer and sometimes I'm totally unaware of the baby waking up to nurse. The only drawback is getting a little sore from all the nursing, but a little cream helps that! Oh also, wearing him during the day in a sling or wrap can help with some of the emotional needs that might be causing the frequent wakings. I'm pretty into "attachment" parenting, can you tell? Check out askdrsears.com if you are interested.
Sabrina I'm SO sorry to hear that! I hate, hate hate no sleep. Sounds like you've tried a lot of things. One thing you said caught my attention. That you think he was gassy. Have you ever heard of an all natural remedy for gas called "Gripe Water"? I think it is 100% fennel and ginger extract. Anyways, It really, really worked for Luke. He would wake up some night just screaming bloody murder like someone had hurt him bad and wouldn't stop crying for 45 min. It was awful. But one serving of gripe water calmed him down in seriously 2 minutes! I'm really not joking. It was great. For him, that is. Didn't help Lydia (but I don't think her problem was gas). I think she just needed more food. Sounds like you've tried more food with him. So, my other suggestion is to see if you are eating something that he might not like. Lukas screamed for hours if I ate broccoli (it gave him too much gas). Or Chase might be allergic to milk products or such that could just give him gas.
So my opinion is to try gripe water and rock him upside down and roll his legs out and in tight to his tummy. That will help gas. then if that doesn't work, watch what you eat to see if some times are worse than others. Or maybe something you are feeding him. If you know you are getting enough milk to keep nursing him then don't do formula. I tried to keep nursing Lydia but just didn't have enough (I could barely pump a few ounces so thats how I kow) so I knew that was it. Once I gave her formula then she slept like a baby. But sounds like Chase has enough food. Maybe gas then? Good luck!
There is nothing like sleep deprivation to turn you into a crazy person - I'm so sorry! Zoe was a fairly good sleeper so I don't have a lot of experience. I do recommend "Baby Wise". I just took the parts of it that I liked and ignored the rest. Also, I think I may be the only one here, but I would give the formula a try. That is how we got Zoe to sleep through the night on a consistent basis, a formula bottle right before bedtime. Sometimes she would drink the whole thing and other times she only wanted a little before she fell asleep. I would pump right after I put her down and then I would still keep my supply up and extra milk in the freezer. The one thing that was recommended to us by family is giving a bath before bed. The first night we did this was the night she slept from 10 pm to 5 am and it was glorious! Good luck, let us know what works, I'm sending sleepy vibes Chase's way!
I think you need to bring your kids by, and you take a nap! But, maybe when Adie's not throwing up...
Being tired, really tired, and a Mom, just don't work, it makes for one mean Mommie - good luck! I wish I had some good ideas!
Yeah, benadryl...ambien, all great idea. =)
I'd love to tell you what worked for McKenna, but it's the same advice everyone always gives...the same advice you've already tried, as outlined in the books I'm sure you've already read. And ultimately, I think she just grew out of her no sleep phase. Or at least now she's quieter about not sleeping. =)
I hope you can find ways to get some sleep and stay sane!
I am sorry to hear that things have been so rough for you lately. It is hard to cope with life when you are that sleep deprived. I agree with what your friend Aubrey said. I think that consistency is the best thing that you can do to help your baby sleep. I realized that with Ammon, who's schedule wasn't as consistent because we had to do things with the older kids. I'd also try keeping a diary of everything that you eat, your exercise schedule, his sleep & see if you can see any kind of pattern. Maybe he's sensitive to something you're eating? I'd also try to arrange sleeping arrangements so that he doesn't bother everyone else too badly if he has to cry it out. It took me a long time for me to let Ammon cry it out (the other kids slept through the night on their own,) but it worked like a charm. I don't think that he would have slept through the night anytime soon if I hadn't done it.
And just remember that he will go through fussy phases. I thought Evan was teething at 3 months because he was so fussy. He didn't actually get his first tooth until almost a year, so teething got to be a bit of a joke for us. Above all, just hang in there! Take advantage of everyone's offers to help, but try to get yourself on a regular sleep schedule, as much as possible. Chase will sleep through the night someday & you will probably won't actually remember this time too much.
All great comments, and I especially agree with having a set bedtime routine. I think the putting to bed earlier thing worked really well for us. I used to put Todd to bed close to 8, but we've adjusted that to just before 7 and he does really well almost every night. With Madi we did the cry-it-out method (if that's what it's called) based on Ferber's book Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. I liked that book a lot, mostly because I learned so much about sleep cycles in general. Our pediatrician said that only around 6 months do babies learn object permanance, so letting them cry it out, checking on them, etc, won't work as well before that age. Anyway, good luck with whatever you try!
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