Ahhhh! It's 3:15 am and I have not yet gotten to sleep. Ugh. You've all heard about my sleep problems before, so I won't bore you with them. Lucky for me, Adie seems to have similar ones right now, so she's up keeping me company :D I bet you know how thrilled I am about that.
It's just been one of those weeks, you know, those weeks where you aren't motivated to do anything and you feel kind of blah. Yeah, it's one of those. I've tried all week to be productive, but I've had a hard time really getting off my read end to get anything of substance done. It's during those days / weeks when I start to get covetous. Mostly I get covetous of others' abilities. Yes, it's a dangerous game when you start playing the compare game, so I really try to avoid it most of the time, but sometimes it just creeps up on you when you aren't getting anything else productive done. So, in the interest of getting things out of my mind and hopefully shutting it off to get some sleep, I present to you a list of talents / traits in others that I covet.
One caveat before I begin...the purpose of this is not to throw a pity party for myself or receive high praise from my blog-reading friends about all my wonderful traits and abilities. I realize we are all blessed with different abilities for a reason, and I know I have my share. I am, therefore, not looking for comments or emails telling me why I shouldn't worry about this or that. I promise I am not depressed. I am writing this more for introspective purposes, mostly so I can shut off that racing brain of mine for a few hours and get some much-needed rest. Lucky for you, reader, you get to come along for my introspective ride.
So, without further ado, my list of traits I covet...
~Being a morning person - How I wish I felt good when I woke up early. I am told by my parents that I was never a morning person, even as a baby. I have always liked to stay up late and sleep in, and it isn't even so much a like as I feel physically and emotionally better when I stay up a little later and sleep in a bit. While a missionary, I did my best to follow the go to bed at 10:30 pm and wake up at 6:30 am rule. I got into that routine, but even after a year and a half of doing it, I felt fairly terrible for the first hour or so of the day. Before my mission, I was lucky to get 5 hours of a sleep a night. You'd think I'd feel great getting 8 hours a night, but it was that waking up at 6:30 am that killed me. My ideal would be to go to bed somewhere around 12:30 am and wake up around 9 am. There can be a few later variations as well, but earlier than that is much harder for me. I think my best sleep occurs from about 5 - 9 am, so I feel just about as good sleeping for those 4 hours as I would sleeping an entire 8 hours between 10 pm and 6 am. Unfortunately, productive society doesn't run on the hours that are optimal for me, so I have to adjust as best I can.
~Along those same lines, I wish I could live off of 5 - 6 hours of sleep a night. One of Brett's sisters routinely gets this much sleep and functions much better than I do when I get enough sleep. I can handle about 2 nights in a row of not enough sleep, but if I don't get a nap in or start getting some more sleep at night, I get very affected. This is difficult when I can't fall asleep at night and my daughter wakes me up early. I used to be able to handle less sleep better, but after getting married and then having a child, I seem to be more affected by lack of sleep. I notice my chemicals start to get pretty imbalanced. I had a really hard time with the newborn thing because of this, and it's one reason I am fearful to have another child. Those first 6 - 8 weeks of Adie's life were so hard for me.
~I wish I enjoyed being crafty. Ok, I am not crafty anyway, but I don't even like attempting to make crafts most of the time. I have many family and friends who really enjoy all things crafty. I like the finished products of many crafty projects, but I don't particularly like doing them (unless it's a super Saturday and I don't have to think of ideas, I can just copy them while talking to others) I have a goal of making a photobook for every year of Adie's life (and subsequent children) until she's 18. She is 4.5 months from turning 2 and I have made the cover page for the first year of her life (which I only made 2 days ago). Every time I sit down to do it I really dread it. I want it to be all cute and crafty, but I really don't like thinking of ideas to make that happen. And, ultimately, I'd rather use my time reading something about current events or politics (I know, what's wrong with me!). I think it's important for our children to have this kind of personal history about them, so I am trying to force myself to do it, but it really isn't fun for me. Isn't it supposed to be fun? Why can't I just like to be cute and crafy?
~Ok, and along those lines, I wish I had a better eye for fashion / design. I know when I see something I like or think is cute, but for some reason I can't quite get it to come together for me. For instance, we went to the park today and there was this cute mother of two there who was dressed in a super cute, but simple outfit. I know I would just never think to put it together like that, but I liked what I saw. I wish I just had an eye for that sort of thing.
~I wish I was one of those people that everyone was drawn to, you know those people who just have fun, unforgettable personalities. Please don't misunderstand me. I have wonderful friends and I appreciate them accepting and loving me for who I am. However, sometimes I just wish I was one of those people who everyone wants to invite somewhere because they are the life of the party and are so interesting. I have some friends like that and growing up I always wanted to be more like them. I have accepted my role as a nice, dependable person, and I like being that kind of person, but once in a while, I want to stand out from the crowd.
~Finally, I wish I had a more tangible gift, like a prodigious ability for music, athletics, art - something everyone can put their finger on and say, yeah, Sabrina, she does THIS really well. I do realize people who are very talented at these things put in a ton of time and effort to become so good at what they do, but many times, they started out with a little extra something in that particular area to begin with which pushed them to work harder on it. Maybe I should just work on being less lazy and I'd have more ability in those areas too, but I know I'm not the natural athlete my brother is, or the musicians that some of my friends are. They started out with considerably more talent in those areas than I did.
Anyway, it's 4 am and Adie is driving me nuts at this point, so it's time to end. I know my life is good, and I think if I am lucky I may yet get a few hours of sleep. Maybe I'll wake up less covetous and feeling more motivated to be productive. In the mean time, do any of you readers want to share any traits you wish you had? That would make feel better about being so covetous myself ;)
8 comments:
wow, I don't know what to say :) I am inclined to say, "No, you are cute and crafty- just look at the cute A d i e blocks hanging in Adie's room that you created all by yourself." Or "No, you DO have a very good since of fashion- you always look really nicely put together, your house looks nice etc." Or, "are you kidding? People are very drawn to you, hence the reason you have some many friends. did you know 39 people subscribe to your blog on google reader?"
But you clearly said that is not what you want us readers to say. Rather we are to share traits we wish we didn't have. Well here is one your brother and I were discussing this very morning, it went something like this-
me: I bet your sister would really like to help me study for my macro economics test
trent: yeah I bet she really would. She really likes to learn.
me: true. and shes really into this whole economy thing.
trent: I mean anyone who wants to learn about organic chemistry and aren't even taking the class must really like to learn.
me: very true
trent: I wish I liked to learn as much as her
etc. etc.
Trent and I covet your desire to learn
So I think Candi could relate to at least a few of your points there, as a matter of fact so can I.
Here's my covet for the day:
I got to have lunch with the CEO of Kennecott Utah Copper yesterday, the guy is like 30 something and doing very well for himself (probably makes more in a day than I do in a year). He made really good career decisions early on and put himself in a position to be very successful very young. I just wish I had some of that foresight to make such good career moves. It isn't so much the money that I am covetous of but his ability to become what he has as quickly as he has been able to. Maybe next time ehe?
Ok you are funny and I had to laugh reading your post. I think we ALL feel these things about ourselves every now and then. I totally can agree with you on some of your things like, I'm not a morning person, however I don't ever want to be a morning person so why try right? :) Then I'm so not crafty but love super saturdays because I don't really have to try and I come out with a great craft. I always go to people's houses and think, "Wow their place is so cute" however I can't seem to put that in my house then, kind of like how you feel with fashion. As for your book for Adie, you need to start digital scrapbook. It is so much better than the real thing because you don't have to buy anything, you don't have to do much thinking of layout style because there are so many examples online that you can copy, and once it's done, you just have to print the whole page (which is a $1!) and then you throw it in an album. I could NEVER get into scrapbooking, but digital scrapbooking is great b/c I love the computer and it's all done on the computer and it's just as cute! I started doing it when Bella was born and was up all night. What could be easier?! Anyway, I know you don't want us readers to say things like this, but I think you are an amazing singer and I don't think you have to try at that! If only I had your voice! So don't think you don't have some great talent b/c you do!
I feel I have to comment because Spencer already has for me. It's so true about the sleeping thing. I have tried going to bed early, Spencer is all for it on some nights, but A-I feel like a lunatic going to bed at 10 and B-I never wind up actually sleeping until after 6AM anyway. I think it has to do with your internal rhythms, no matter how much sleep I get I have always fallen asleep in 9 o'clock classes, but 4:30 in the afternoon is perfect.
You should look up Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences. It makes sense to me in a way that explains why there are some things that I am good at and want to do, but there are also things that no matter how hard I try I just do not want to do them.
I'm totally with ya on the sleeping thing. I need lots of sleep, and the morning is just when it's best for me! I had a really hard time when Ada was born too, but for some reason it hasn't been nearly so bad the second time around.
I used to wish I was more crafty too. I actually don't mind making crafts, but most of the time I just like store-bought stuff better.
I wish I had a better knowledge of politics, history, etc. I just can't get myself to read up about it enough to learn much. I just lose interest. I have poor reading comprehension.
I wish I was more friendly, outgoing, and confident.
I, also, would much rather be a morning person than one who enjoys sleeping from about 2-9 am. December is going to be ridiculous, when I have to switch that to 8 pm - 4 am.
Aside from that, I suppose I wish I was more outgoing, as I'm sure almost everyone does.
Oh, and sticking to my goals is another big one. I'm getting better lately with working out, but it still needs lots of work.
I think it's really interesting that you wish you were one of those people that everyone is drawn to, because that is exactly how I see you. In fact, I've coveted that trait before, "I wish I was more like Sabrina, she is always so fun." Seriously. Since, like, jr high.
But that's not what you wanted. I wish I could make my house look cute. I have no decorating skills. I feel like my house is just a random collection of stuff that is cute on its own, but doesn't really go with anything else I have.
Oh, and I wish I had more fashion sense. I feel like I've got some major frumpiness going on.
Like most other commentors I'm fighting the urge to go off on a "Sabrina, you're SO much fun...etc" tagent.
I've always wished I had enough hand eye coordination to play any kind of sport. It's truly amazing just how awkward I am at anything. I still surprise Brian at just how retarded I look and how inept I am. I LOVE watching most sports. Wish I could play. Oh well.
I'm with you on coveting being crafty. I'm not crafty. I have no desire to be crafty. But I feel a twinge of guilt about it.
I've always wished I was more of a night animal. Typcially 10pm hits and I go brain dead, weather I'm awake or not.
And amen to digital scrapbooking! I'm not sure what you hate about scrapbooking: I hate the mess it makes, trying to cut straight lines, trying to write with cute hand writing, buying scrapbooking stuff from stores at rediculous prices, and typically the way the pages turn out. Digital is mess free, cheap, the pages turn out better looking (for me), and at time kinda fun. Think about it.
Post a Comment