I shouldn't be posting. I should be working. I have another few hours to go before I'll get to go to bed. This does not make me happy. Work has been about the worst it can get. 12-13 hr days and feeling guilty and behind when I don't work on Saturday. Is there something wrong with this picture? Not to mention, when Brett and I decided to have me go back to work after Adie was born, a lot of that decision was made because I could work a lot from home. Well, ever since I got back, I have had to be in the office ever more frequently. I haven't been able to find a stable babysitter for all the days I need, and frankly, working that many hours in one day is just insanity anyway, especially when it's everyday. So, Monday we decided it's time for me to quit. It was honestly one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I have really enjoyed the financial security, the benefits and even the satisfaction (even though I mostly loathe my job) of a career. It also meant telling my manager that I was going to have to dump a couple of really large projects back on his lap in a time when life at Novell is increasingly hectic. My manager understood and even said they were probably going to change their working from home policy, so I would have probably quit in the near future anyway. It was a confirmation that we had made the right decision.
Can I be honest though? I am freaked out for September 21st to come. That's my last day. Then, all of the sudden I don't have a job and I am not even looking for another one! It kind of makes me feel weird inside. I mean, I am so excited to be able to give my undivided attention to Adie. I'll be able to actually clean my apartment, rather than just do the bare minimum to make it liveable. I'll be able to interact with other moms. I'll be able to practice the piano and actually have time to train for my marathon. I'll want to cook dinner again. I'll get some sleep. I can take a nap when Adie does if she wakes me up in the middle of the night. In short, there will be so many wonderful things I can do. However, how do I get over the guilt of having some free time here and there and knowing I could use that time to make some money? I am not sure I'll last very long. I have already considered many part time working options.
Anyway, that's probably the biggest news of the hour. My other news was from last weekend. Brett's sister, Diana, and I ran a half marathon in Logan. I won't post our time. It was slow, but we ran the entire way despite having not trained sufficiently beforehand. The longest we had run before that was an 8-miler a week before the race. However, we thought if we popped a few pain pills and carb-loaded the night before we'd be fine. We were fine. We made it and we accomplished our goal. We both wanted to puke afterward and were sore for a few days, but it was awesome to accomplish that.
In Adie news, she is still completely adorable. She rolls everywhere. I am not sure when she'll get the hang of crawling. I think she is a bit too chunky to lift herself up, but we'll be patient. In fact, it's a good thing. If she waits until I finish working I'll have a lot more time to baby-proof the apartment. She also has two bottom teeth and I think she is teething again, drooling all over the place. I promise my next post will contain pictures of Adie, since that's what you really want to see anyway.
8 comments:
I'm sure it was very difficult to make the decision to stay home and give up the constant pay checks. I hope that everything goes well for you. I'm so excited that you're going to be home, though! (For my benefit!) I am so glad that you "walked" into my life. Literally, that first walk this spring has had the greatest results for me. I so enjoy having you as my friend. I'm here if you need anything...just let me know.
As strange as it may sound, money is not the most important thing in the world (I know that you hear that a lot, but now you're actually getting the chance to believe it). I think that you've made the right decision for where you are in life and that you will never regret being able to spend more time with sweet Adie. She'll never be this little again.
I'm excited for you! I realize it's a hard decision, but staying home can actually be quite fun (also really boring at times...then you'll wish you were still working! :O) Everything will work out the way it's supposed to.
There's no need for you to feel guilty for being at home instead of making money. I think it's very important for you to not only have time with your baby, but have time for yourself to do things you enjoy. You'll either kill yourself of go crazy otherwise. :) Congrats on your decision!
On the up side, you can blog all the time now!
Thanks, everyone, for all your words of encouragement. I am still nervous, but it will be such a nice change, and I will have time to see all you other fabulous moms down here. That will be so fun.
Hey Sabrina,
The work/career/motherhood issues always leave room for feelings of guilty and anxiety! It sounds like you made a good decision though. You can slow down and enjoy things a little more.
The thing with part time work that I've experienced is I always get sucked into doing more than I want to. But part time can be the best of both worlds.
Good luck!
can't wait to see some pictures of adie!
When I went unemployed for a monthish I learned that staying home is a full time job in and of itself. Just a little buyer beware. I am sure you will find plenty of projects and things to do with all of your "spare time" that it will seem like you can't figure out how you used to be able to work full time. At least that is the question Candi and I have been asking ourselves. I am sure you will do fine though.
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